Stopping Racism. It starts with me. And then my home.

Dear Avery,

I have a white male son who is about to make his entrance into 2020 — and what a YEAR this has been already. On top of a global pandemic, the United States has been exposing its polarizing political and economic viewpoints while also shining a spotlight on societal issues that many of us choose to look past. Racism; the ugly and harsh reality.

Last week, this country lost yet another black man to police brutality. His name was George Floyd. It’s important that we remember his name and remember that he was a soul living on this earth just like you and I. The video went viral, and the feelings of anger, rage, and ultimate embarrassment for my own race overpowered my heart. I could only stomach watching the first minute. I watched for my own education. I watched for the importance of not turning a blind eye. I watched because George was a human being who deserved so much more respect than he was given. But even then, I couldn’t watch the whole thing. I didn’t want to give that cop the satisfaction of accepting his evil.

Here’s what I know. I know that I myself grew up being a minority in my public schools. And I loved it. I loved that I grew up with Hispanic, Indian, Fijian, Samoan, Tongan, Asian, and African American classmates. I love that some of my best friends weren’t white. I love that I dated boys who weren’t white. I love that I got to experience different food smells in their homes. I love that I got to see how their families lived – some living with grandparent’s full time. (I always wanted my cousins and grandparents to live nearby.)

I rode the public bus for 3 years in middle school – getting to see where kids were dropped off every day. Some were rough neighborhoods, others we’re very nice. But I was exposed to it. That 30 minute bus route with kids and adults of all races was more important now than I realized then. I also know that I never felt like I was in danger. I knew that I could get off the bus at my stop, and walk freely home without harassment. Did I know then it was because I was White? No, I don’t think I did. But I do understand that now.

I also love that my parents never told us not to hang out with other races. They invited our friends into our home regardless of their skin color. They showed them love and support. They took in a Hispanic friend of mine going through a rough time in high school. Gave him a safe place to live for a couple months. And he was eternally grateful. While I couldn’t empathize with his direct pain, I showed sympathy. And we as a family were there. My parents showed me what acceptance looks like by their actions of taking in another person, regardless of what he looked like.

So how do we move forward and help our fellow society members who don’t look like us?

“It starts with me and my heart.

Then my home.

But there has to be more.”

Starting with me, my pledge for society is this:

• Keep loving and supporting my black/brown brothers and sisters as I do naturally. Get to know and understand their souls, viewpoints, and character. Show them acceptance and love.
• Stand up for intolerance where I see it.
• Use my voice.
• Acknowledge the beauty of their skin color and forgo the “I don’t see color” remarks. Because we do see it and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
• Open my door for any hard conversations.
• Express my grievances. Letting my fellow white race know what I won’t tolerate with their actions.

Then my home:

Most importantly, my pledge is to raise my soon-to-be white male son with the same values. Knowing that he is already coming into this world with a privilege many will never have. I want to him to value and accept all races, religions, and sexual orientations even if they are different than his own beliefs. His Dad and I will show him to value people for who they are. And in turn, we pledge to love him as HE is. If he decides that he is not in the right body, loves the same sex, or wants to practice a different religion. It starts with accepting our children first, so they in turn, can accept the world.

But we must do more. As a society. As a world. We must show grace and love and hope and empathy and acceptance. Stop judging from the sidelines. Look people in the eye and see beyond your first impressions. We are better than this.

And I pledge to start with me. And then my home. I want a brighter world for my son, not an evil one. And I want the same thing for a black mother when she looks at her son. A world where her son doesn’t fear going out for a jog, and what may come of that. I hope that my son joins him on that jog. They jog together – and it’s accepted.

Avery, I know your parents share the same sentiments. I know you already have an emphatic heart. Now is the time in your 9 years of life to start noticing things at recess or after school, sticking up for kids facing injustice, talk to your white and black friends about hard things going on in their lives, listen, and be a part of the solution. It starts with you.

With love,

Aunt Megs