Dear Avery,
Around this time last year, I was travelling around Amsterdam by myself. Something I never thought I’d ever do. So this year? Burning Man! It’s my next big adventure, and my next personal challenge.
Burning man is a community of people that come together in the middle of a barren desert, build a city from scratch — stay for an entire week –and then tear it down as if it never existed. Mad Max style. It’s wicked, it’s crazy, it’s unreal… and it’s transformative.
While yes it’s basically a week long party, there are some spiritual things that happen there too… like beautiful art creations, meditation events, yoga classes, and a temple where you can bring things from your past that you want to let go of and eventually watch the temple burn together — as a community of people — all going through their own battles and stories.
My boyfriend attended last year for the first time. At the time, he was a fairly recent widow (two years by that time), and when he came back… there was a lightness to him. He came back with a new sense of acceptance, and it was beautiful to see. I was happy for him.
What’s in it for me? I’ve got some personal thoughts and feelings that, I too, want to physically let go of. And also, I want to see things I’ve never seen before. Try things. Meet new people. Party until the sun rises. Find my spirit animal out there. Push myself. Treasure moments with the man who invited me to experience this.
I’m going in with these intentions:
I intend on “Letting It Be” and “Letting It Go”
Letting It Be: I struggle with anxiety (generalized anxiety disorder). I’ve suffered from panic attacks, racing thoughts, and physical issues like ulcers. I psych myself out about small things and large things. I hit proverbial walls when I’m uncomfortable — my mind literally focuses on how and when I get out of wherever I am. My challenge? Letting It Be. Let this journey keep me present, not worrying about what’s to come, and soak in that moment. Even if I’m having a panic attack. Face it head on. LET IT BE.
I’m literally walking into a situation where most people experience breakdowns – physical, mental, and emotional. I know this going in. I’m walking into an anxiety induced fire. I can’t think of another experience where I’ll be tested to my limits (oh yeah — solo travel! 😉 And look, that ended up being such a magical experience.)
I intend on just Letting It Be. This is will be my main personal challenge. I’m scared, but I’m also really excited.
My other intention is “Letting It Go“. I’ve had a tumultuous couple of years. Going through a divorce, losing family, losing friendships and friendships changing spite of it, has all been emotionally exhausting. Even if it was my fault. Even it was my choice to leave. The pain that lingers from a choice like that is heavy. So, I’m going to let it go. I’m going to bring something from that stage of my life, put it the temple with thousands of other people’s belongings, and I’m going to thank it for it’s service. I’m going to thank this representation of that part of my life, and I’m going to be glad it happened. It helped shape who I am today, and my ex-husband is, and will always be, such a crucial part of my growing up. So I’ll thank him. I’ll apologize to him. And I’ll be grateful for him.
And then I’ll let it go. I’ll watch it burn with all the other stories, and rejoice in the magic of life. The grief, the love, and the acceptance of what is. My intention is to let that all go, so I can set myself free.
That’s a tall order, Burning Man, but I think you have that fire to push me through. Meet you next week on the playa.
With love,
Aunt Megs
With Love, Aunt Megs 
Loving this post! Have fun. Be safe! Remember to breathe! You’ll be well taken care of.
Thanks for the love and support, Ellie. 🙂
Thank you … much needed. And sent by a former class mate of yours.
Dear Megan. Your story about Burning Man is such a gift to me. First of all, I love you.
I love your love for your niece – she must be the beautiful girl in the picture with you. What a gift your blog is – that you are sharing with her. That moves my heart.
Megan, I so admire you. I admire your fierce honesty. And your transparency. You have such a gift of being able to express yourself through words.
Your honesty is so compelling. Letting it Be and Letting It Go. As I read your blog – I felt you. Even though we only work together kind of – I really felt you. That’s the gift writers give. I realized that the heart connection I have with you is because in part – of our similar journeys. One of the most transformative journeys in my life has been solo travel – including to Shanghai China. I thank God to this day for that opportunity. It remains with me forever because I learned so my about myself. I am a wanderer. And love experiencing people and places and the freedom that brings. Being in a country for periods of time where I was the ONLY person who spoke English was soooo…..
Losing my family was another transformative journey. In a one year period of time a few years ago I lose my Mom (to end stage dementia), my baby brother (he was my only brother that I helped raise. He became an alcoholic, had a brain aneurysm, and passed away) and my nephew (Jason was 25 – he was my brother’s only son, he was one of the true loves of my life). Jason got into drugs, he had a terrible struggle trying to get free for years, he had a tragic ending to his life. He was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. I still am challenged to fully define what losing three of the most important people in my life – that I loved more than anything did to me. It changed me. To not be able to help them more haunted me. However I ultimately was set free. I am now able to know that I did everything I could for each of them. I did my best – I had joy and grief in that journey. And I love them. And have the hope that I will see them again.
I also have a “mental” disorder: ADHD. That’s another story in and of itself.
Letting It Go and Letting It Be is my new mantra. (Notice I swapped the order).
Megan, I really believe you have gift – that can help people transform. Your “way with words”. If you have a dream in your heart to have a platform like this blog, to share your experiences and life, maybe to a larger audience…I see you writing books and being an author. Your words touch me. They make me feel. Which is such a wonderful gift. I believe there are so many people that have much to gain in hearing you.
That’s all!!!
Much love little sister. See you soon!
Love, chey
Chey – what a very special note to receive. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage to speak honestly. I’m sorry to hear about your family, they were blessed to be loved by you as they were and still are. Thanks for all the love and support — I think one day I will write a book. 🙂