Dear Avery,
If Oprah was a leader of a cult, I would join in an instant. Almost every time I listen to her, I get an “ah ha” moment. She always brings a sense of clarity – whether it’s her own quote or a topic she is interviewing someone on. And it happened again today.
She said, “I believe that the 3 most important words anyone can say are not ‘I love you’, but ‘I hear you’.”
I resonate so much with this. Growing up, the love language in our family was not predominantly words of affirmation. We didn’t say “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” often, but it was through our quality time together that we showed love. Every family and every person is different in how they show and receive love. But every human wants to be HEARD.
We want our feelings and thoughts to be acknowledged. What’s crazy is that they don’t even have been fully understood; it’s the the act of being heard that is essential. I think it’s a good practice for all people to start saying that more, “I hear you”. <We may not agree, but I hear you. >
YOU. ARE. HEARD.
When I apply this to my life, I think of my partner who has always made me feel heard. He does a fantastic job of constantly saying, “your feelings are valid” or “I hear you”. I never processed this in past relationships as being important. It seems too simple. But it’s not. There is great power in those words because there is action behind it. The other person is actively listening. You are their focus in that moment. Your voice matters.
While “I love you” from a loved one feels great, it can sometimes feels prompted. If you leave each other or hang up the phone the “I love you” tends to be apart of the dialogue (which is lovely), but given my personal experience within my own family — it’s never felt natural. In order to reverse this feeling, I have to actively remind myself to tell people I love them. It takes work to retrain your behaviors, even well into my 30’s.
“I hear you”: now that is natural. I say this phrase often because I am an empathic listener. Plus, I am a slower speaker because I tend to process my thoughts longer before I speak.
On the flip side, I also want to give advice after I’ve listened. But I’ve learned that most people just want an ear and an open heart. They want you to sit with them through their current situation – good or bad. People will make decisions you don’t agree with or will have viewpoints that are hard to understand. But what if we just listened?
I need to remind myself of this more. The power of “I hear you” can be more important than “I love you”. It’s the action that the world needs more of.
Let it set in. Reflect on that. And know that I’m always here to listen to you, Aves.
With love,
Aunt Megs
With Love, Aunt Megs 