It’s time to quiet the ego

Dear Avery,

2020 was a very noisy year. Opinions were escalated and feelings were hurt. Families and friendships reached tipping points across the world — and the notion of “I’m right and you’re wrong” spread like wild fire. All because we let our EGO get the better of us (myself included). It’s time to quiet the ego, and take away it’s control. Once we practice this over and over, the pasture will be greener – for everyone.

Most people think ego is just that arrogant and self-righteous voice in your head. Well in fact, it’s way more than that. It’s that part of us that identifies with our self image, talents, accolades, personality, and perceived weaknesses. It is our false sense of self.

“The ego has the power to influence or derail every aspect of our lives.” – Oprah

When you understand the gravity of that statement, you’ll begin to understand that you have the power to control or tame your ego. This is where the work begins.

The ego is the master manipulator feeding us thousands of thoughts a day. Fueling our fires for good and bad. And when the world itself feels like its on fire, it gives our own ego freedom to run wild — if we let it. But what if we stopped to evaluate those thoughts, process them, and then choose our reactions more carefully? What if we read that god awful Facebook post from an opposing party — took a breathe, listened to the initial reaction of our ego, and tried to understand why WE were getting angry? What is the root of my anger or frustration? Will replying to this make my day better? Will I be happier if I let it go instead?

I have personally posted things that were gut reactions. My thoughts and feelings on a virtual post-it note for the public to see. When you start to see the “likes” and comments pour in, it fuels your ego at first “yes!! everyone agrees with me!” — but do they all? Did you offend a silent observer or change the view of who you are to someone else? Most likely, yes. And the ego thrives off of that. Giving it more control to post more and get more reactions. But more often than not, I find myself regretting things I’ve said because it was in the heat of that second. Full ego. No soul intervention. Does that mean I regret my feeling in the moment? No, but I could have taken more time to process my own words and feelings.

I challenge each of us to learn to quiet the ego. To look within ourselves and be the change we wish to see. Be the person who stops trolling the internet and causing chaos with strangers. Your opinion, sadly, will not change the minds of others because of your Facebook comment. It will not change their hearts. So don’t engage. Don’t keep adding fuel to the fire. Stop spreading hate, and start injecting joy and love. We can all do this.

I don’t know about you, but my mind will take off in various made up conversations that typically end with me being right. Somehow I become this beacon of the all the knowing, and MY belief is the right one. When I find myself in this ego train of thought, I’ve gotten into the practice of stopping and saying to myself:

“Be Kind. Be Kind to them, and be kind to yourself.”

When I do this over and over, I’m training my mind to stop the negative thinking. Because guess what? I’m not always right. I don’t have all the answers. But my ego tries to convince me otherwise. And this simple practice stops my ego in it’s tracks.

So let’s instead focus on the positivity in the world. There are so many good people doing good things. Talk about those things. Think on those things. Feel joy because of their good acts. See the good so that you can go do good.

Quieting my ego starts with my decision to act on it. I’m not always going to get it right. It’s going to take work and focus. But to be the best versions of myself, I have to start by taming my false sense of self, and bring my true soul to the surface.  And chose that practice every day.

With love,

Aunt Megs