My birth story: when I became a Mama

Dear Avery,

It was 11pm on June 28th, 2020 when we left for the hospital for a scheduled induction at midnight – in the middle of pandemic – we didn’t really know what to expect. We pulled up to a very quiet hospital. Two nurses hanging out at the front door wearing face masks and asking me if I’m really going into labor due to my relaxed nature. “I’m getting induced tonight!” They smiled and warmly congratulated us. We didn’t see any other patients as we were assigned our room. Felt like a ghost town. Mind you, this was the women’s part of the hospital, not treating anyone for Covid here. My partner was allowed to be with me the whole time — other hospitals around the country had rejected partners to join during the pandemic for safety precautions. I was so grateful and thankful that I was not alone and that Troy got to experience everything.

We unpacked our (many!) things, since i’m a total over-packer and first time mother, I didn’t know what to expect. The nurse asked if I had any contractions, and I told her that I didn’t think so. She hooked me up to the monitor and sure enough — I was definitely having contractions. I thought it was just active kicking as it didn’t hurt me at all. The babe was getting ready!

I was given a drug to help the induction process start. It wasn’t painful, in fact, I ended up falling asleep and waking up at 7am the next morning. My water had not broken naturally, so my doctor came in and tried to break it. This was VERY PAINFUL, and my body wasn’t ready for it. So they sent another doctor a couple hours later to try again — this time it worked, and suddenly a warm flow of water rushed out. As soon as that happened, my pain started. The contractions grew and grew, and all the sudden I knew what women had always talked about! I waited until I was 4cm dilated to take the epidural because that is the “sweet spot” number. That wasn’t an easy feat. I had to endure an hour and a half of bad pain to wait for that number. But once I got the epidural, all was right in the world! I didn’t feel a thing. In fact, I fell back asleep for another couple of hours. THANK YOU MEDICINE.

Around 7pm a nurse came in and told me that I was 10cm dilated and ready to start pushing. Troy was by my side the whole time, holding my hand, and helping me breathe. He got to watch the whole process! I pushed for 2 full hours. This wasn’t terribly painful, it’s just exhausting. When the babe was crowning and ready to come out, his shoulder got stuck (he was a big boy!), and the next thing I know, two nurse’s knees were on my stomach helping to push him out. This was the most out of body experience ever. You know those vignette’s in movies where the character closes their eyes and the lens of the camera becomes their eyes opening and shutting? I had that exact experience. Before I closed my eyes, it was just Troy and our nurse. I closed them tight, pushed like hell, and open my eyes to there being 15 people in the room and nurses on top of me. The last and final push — a vision of a white light in a large circle was the last thing I saw — like a ring of fire. Next thing I know, my son is hanging above me. They put him on my chest for a minute. We locked eyes, and I was in awe. Troy and I embraced as I saw the tears of joy in his eyes. He was so proud. It was a beautiful moment.

They took him away due to liquid in his lungs (common issue, but they needed to get it out right away). He was taken to another room for observation. Troy went with him. And all the sudden, I’m alone. This incredible thing just happened in the blink of an eye — and now I’m alone. My body and mind were on different wave lengths. It felt like they were not connected. My body had just gone through the most traumatic thing it’s ever experienced… and my mind was racing with “is he OK?” thoughts and “Wow, did I just do that?!” thoughts. Troy came back and told me that he was just fine and that he would come back to me in a hour. So I just laid there. I gave my body and mind a rest.

19 hours of labor. 19 hours of on-and-off pain, sleep, walking around, reading a book (yes I did!), waiting, pushing, breathing, screaming at the end, and giving it EVERYTHING I had. And then there he was.

I became a Mama.

I am humbled and honored that my son chose us.

He is more than I ever dreamed of.

Along with the elated feelings, there is the other reality that you face almost immediately: your body not feeling like your own. After the birth, I could barely walk. Using the bathroom was painful and bloody. Your body is changing rapidly day by day. You have new aches and pains. My feet swelled up like balloons for about 2 weeks after the birth. They looked like Shrek’s feet. Not only was it gross to look at, but it was painful to walk!

You also feel like you have to do it all (feedings, diapers, cleaning, bathing, etc), but my best advice is to rest as much as you can. Give yourself grace during the first 6 weeks. Lean on your partner as often as you can. Trust them to help. I lucked out with a partner who does so much more than I really had expected of him. I feel that it’s a fair 50/50 partnership, and I could not be more grateful for him.

The other thing that helped me mentally and physically — I encapsulated my placenta into pill form. I had read that your placenta is full of nutrients to give back to your body, and also act like “happy pills” for your mental health. This could not be more true. The pills didn’t arrive until a few days after I got home, and my post partum feelings were all over the place. Troy and I saw an almost immediate change in my emotional state after I took them. I highly recommend every expecting mother to do this for her wellbeing. I used a fantastic service called Mommy Made Encapsulation.

After this whole experience, I now feel confident in having another child down the road. I’m extremely proud of myself for the 9 months of care I took for the both of us, the super strength I had to give birth, and keeping my mind, body, and spirit in check during the hardest weeks following the birth. Women really are superheroes. The strength that comes to us as we enter this new phase of life comes from beyond, and makes us even stronger.

Cheers to a new chapter in life. One I have waited quite some time to start.

With love,

Aunt Megs