Dear Avery,
Happy Easter!
Today was such a lovely day — slightly overcast with a cool breeze and the sun peeking through the clouds. The church service was outside with over a thousand people gathered to celebrate Easter. The message was around what death means, what truly living means, and the importance of shedding your “grave clothes”. Some of us live a life where we hold on to things like shame and guilt so tightly that it’s killing us or makes us dead, whereas the notion of letting all of that go, will bring us life and joy. To find purpose in something greater than yourself, and knowing that receiving a higher love is one of the greatest gifts.
The pastor left us with:
“Are you the same person you were last Easter?”
Have you let what’s dead be dead, and given into a new life of joy? Have you let your past go, so you can move forward?
Well, for me personally, YES. Looking back at Easter last year, seemingly one of the hardest years of my life, I’ve come so far.
This time last year, I went to church alone, for the first time in my life. I was recently divorced and my family was not near me. But I decided to go to church anyway. I had anxiety about it being a family holiday and being alone. But I went anyway. Turns out I was too excited because I was 45 mins early (didn’t realize the times had shifted). Anxiety quickly crawled up my throat. Great! Now I’m alone for an additional 45 mins in public. I almost went home. But something was telling me to stay. So I got up, walked to their bookstore, and flipped through some books to pass the time. I randomly opened a book to a section on overcoming social anxiety (funny, huh?) It said something like “Sometimes being the first to say hello will conquer all.” Didn’t think much of it, and then went to find a seat back in the chapel.
Found a seat on the end of a long row. A couple mins go by and the place starts filling up. A family of 6 or 8 ask to sit next to me the row, and I stand up and let them through. One by one they all smile and file through. The very last person in the group is a woman my age with a beautiful, welcoming smile. I say hello, and she says Hi! and sits down next to me. Sometimes being the first to say hello conquers all.
We have another 10 mins before the service starts, and the woman sitting next to me starts talking to me. Very friendly and approachable, she eventually asks why I’m alone. (Mind you, I couldn’t even say the word “divorce” out loud prior to this because of the shame I felt). But I was feeling very vulnerable and something about this woman told me that she is trustworthy. So I said, “Well, I’m recently divorced, and I don’t have family nearby.” She immediately asked if I had plans after the service, and invited me to brunch with the family she was with.
<Back to social anxiety> My first thought was: Brunch with a house full of strangers? Yeah right. I can’t do that.
The service started and I all could think about was what I was going to say. Should I go? I don’t have plans. I would be alone all day. Would I want to spend Easter that way? So I prayed. “God, if you want me there, she’ll ask me again. And I’ll go. I’ll trust you”. The minute the service ended, she asked me again. So I took a leap of faith and said YES.
I ended up spending the entire day with a family that accepted my current situation and loved me anyway. A family that reminded me so much of my own family… down to the Dad making a great meal, to the card games we played (one of which is my Grandma’s favorite game and a game I hadn’t played in years!), to the gracious Mom would handed out Easter presents to everyone, INCLUDING ME, as my own Mom would have done.
Jaclyn, the lovely woman who invited me, opened her present. A dishtowel with a flamingo on it.
I asked, “Do you like Flamingos?”
She replied, “Yes! They are my spirit animal.”
I said, “Oh wow. Mine too.”
Why is this significant to me? Well read this flamingo post, ” The Flamingo That Followed Me.” Things like this show me that the Universe is FOR ME, not against me. It guides me in the right directions if I pay attention and become aware of the divine magic.
Fast forward to today.
Sitting at the same church I went to a year ago, where I experienced a divine intervention of kindness and acceptance. I’m alongside a wonderful man who may not be religious himself, but cares enough for me to show up, support my beliefs, and my spiritual journey. Because at the end of the day, that journey is mine alone.
My life is unfolding in a way that I get to see what truly matters to me, what brings me joy, and how I deal with the sorrow that will undoubtedly come. My life is rich with texture and awareness. I’m more vulnerable now. I experience more “awe”. I feel more beauty. I accept the things that are meant for me, and let go of what’s not. I love in a deeper way, and recognize gratitude in the small and big things.
So am I the same person I was last Easter?
No. I’m evolving, and trusting the Universe. I’m enjoying the state of joy, and recognizing the areas where I’m growing and calling them out. Learning to let what’s “dead be dead”, and what’s alive to be fully present.
Aves, I hope one day you realize the Universe is for you, and never against you. Life is full of unexpected experiences and opportunities to change your heart — if you let it.
With love,
Aunt Megs
With Love, Aunt Megs 